Thursday, June 12, 2008

Life Time Warranty Straightners

Closing the Ring

The twists and turns of life. Let me tell me that I am half sick. I shelved this blog definitive as we began nearly two years here and told here. Just announced that on almost five hundred bodies on the company that feeds me. That is the opinion of the visionary who has brought on board to redirect the ship. Blessed be our guide. You tell him something, that gives me laughter.

general meeting of the department in a nearby hotel. A human resources - English and imcompetente, to be exact - sits next to the jerifalte to deal with the issues "legal." What all this sounds familiar I thought. Presentation on the appalling conditions of the market, the need for change, the ambitions of the company. Breaths. After forty minutes of fishing without getting close to the bull, the slide number forty-six, as the gift hidden in Roscón Kings, testifies to the bad news, for more inri tell us that there are still settling on the fringe renove plan. Ie have not yet identified all the victims of Sucse but in the meantime, "life goes on." As a joke that begins: "You who prefer: a shock or death?" That's it. There is much loose motherfucker, I think.

So soon we give you a leaf with the new organizational chart and if my name is not in the cartoon ... forget it. A few wise words are enough.

That is all. I close this blog by decision of the employer (in this case, and without creating the precente, myself). Publish a longer article, posthumously, with a file compilation of the best and worst of Life and Miracles in England - the contribution of a Spaniard in the Perfidious Albion to the anthropology of XXI century. Vanity is one.

Best Regards.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Has Anyone Used Veet On Genitals

The other doctors

I can not resist telling one of those small triumphs an anonymous Spaniard in foreign lands from time to time make my day.

Asun, a young friend of Valencia, just submitted his doctoral thesis at the University of Reading. The world of the doctoral thesis is even more foreign to me that the presence of vegetables in my meals, so I will not go into the details of title, subject and other individuals.

The Valencian presented the fruits of their hard work before a jury that one can only imagine full of bad-very bad to want to throw down his enthusiasm and sacrifice of several years. The presentation was then defended by the fire of a battery of questions that at times had to overcome some time ago with very difficult to express what is learned in the native language but you have to give account in English. There were appropriate answers but a loss for words, whether the atoms on the drawing board or in the air with his hands, anything goes.

After the stressful session and when the Fallas took the path of the door to let the jury deliberated, the stop abruptly and say it is, there is little to discuss, which is hell of a thesis, a improvements have been by someone foreign language and that the evidence is far outweighed, "doctor."

spokesman jury also the congratulations for having made the effort to answer some questions, "the Collins Gem others prefer to say they do not know to avoid the bitter swill of not articulate what they know in a foreign language." Certainly did not know who had front. If Admiral Nelson had taken his fleet in the Mediterranean would have sung a different story.

I go to prepare a "water of Valencia " to celebrate.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

List Of Every Ticker On The Nasdaq

For Whom the Bell Tolls

This blog is languishing. Luckily they give birth, feed the baby and invent on the fly to the instruction manual. If it were us, the male part of the case, humanity would be extinct at this point.

take the penultimate entry of these pages to tell another story of life itself. Make

few days celebrating the farewell to a canary - Las Palmas de Gran Canaria - which has made three months of military around here. The bird landed shivering with cold in February, as sudden temperature changes can not be good for health - and slowly began to conquer the Everest particular. I told

often surprises one finds in a multicultural environment. I come now to some more memory. For example, the French counterpart of that of Ugandan origin, plump licensed blacker than charcoal, which broke with her boyfriend because he rebuked the family that the tribe was wrong. Or a former roommate of Indian origin who saw her white boyfriend and English on the sly but, due to family pressures, eventually asking Negotiable marriage to a cousin. Story

this because also surprises in store for domestic title was refreshing to know that the island was amazed to see the Thames flowing or fast commuter trains because, dammit, there are no rivers or trains like god of truth in all parts of the world, including in the Canary Islands. We do not know what we have in the continent.

The canary and half-finished thesis began earning their pay cut cucumbers and tomatoes in a wide variety of destinations. After a month and a half stretching their little kitchens English solfa got validate his title of professor of school education, which allowed him to work as a substitute teacher in schools around. Our faculty members frequently sick - and better than me come, that this would give for another chapter.

With courage and art bullfighter, taught history and philosophy to the local sparrows. It mattered little that he was a physical education teacher, she said the principals, while keep order in class and not I freak out a lot. All very please and thank-you , of \u200b\u200bcourse, would not be to offend the animals. Go hotbed of small bastards is cooking in this country, he told us.

But where are you, child, - he exhorted his countrymen on the eve of his return to the islands lucky - if you've passed the hardest part, now that you are a tail wind and quite a run? Is valid and diverse reasons to fly back again but, in short, come back home because he lives in hell of islet that counts too.

A taste, Mr De Armas.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Americasaverage Dress Size In 2010

This

There's a first time for everything in this life and one rainy Saturday I was cleaning the glass windows of the room. But is that you have fallen from a tree this morning?, Was asking the voice of my conscience.

expected a social visit in a couple of hours. This is a couple of English friends with whom we once more try (I said treatment and not friendship ? I think I've been too long in this country) but the communication had been less. Must be because we were at his wedding banquet without being invited by a host of misfortunes, and she - always prim, neat and discourse in ways grossly raised - Never has forgiven us.

The couple have a baby of yore twenty weeks provided the perfect excuse to get together in this kind of meeting-competition of new parents and see who's got bigger, secretly find a tiny flaw in the stupid party and exchange of style: "what is beautiful man-god-for-even yours" "Hush, hush, you just let me sleep / u because this can not imagine that night gives me" "always very cheerful / doctor has told us seems the happiest. "

addition to cleaning the windows of the room, also had to remove the sight of the four greeting cards that we received the good news. I explained on another occasion here what is my theory about it and I did not want prying eyes support suggesting that we only had four friends.

And what about the presents! Not bring about will happen as they did with sausage lentajas Eduardo & Noelia, or spinach pie as he Asun. No, certainly bring a pink dress for the baby. What divine. As I did not eat the dress with chips ...

already have guessed he was looking forward plays host at that miserable afternoon. Finally - sigh. I will demonstrate The foreign barbarians are capable of organizing an afternoon tea with pastries - instead of chorizo \u200b\u200band tortilla de patatas - flattering to others instead of criticizing and controlling the fatherly pride in the small start smiling coquettishly.

But not all usually go as planned.

I swear I hear the bell. It seems they did not touch one if not three times. A few minutes later, the fourth stoning of the door, invited the trio got soaked to the bone. "This is not a good start, I thought to myself. Surely I'm not invited to the christening. "

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Wat Is Het Perfecte Bmi Voor Modellen

boiled snails and pigs

spent my fourth day in the maternity hospital when I'm Reading came across a couple that I met in antenatal classes cocks. Indeed, in hindsight, I have to say that the skills provided were used to little (if anything) it's time I found little value in explaining to a doctor, two midwives, a nurse and the head of the plant, which the position taken by my wife during slaughter was not the most suitable for delivery in communion with Mother Nature herself. If I open my mouth, I have fixed the forceps inserted where my name back, lost her chaste.

I found I had a couple known, who had their baby the same day us even though the creature was a bit wimpy and under medical observation. Do you call your baby?, I asked with genuine interest of parents. "We do not have a name," they replied. And when you turn to it, how you call it? "It (It)."

For the love of the Knights of the Holy Sepulchre and the Virgin of the Guadalquivir basin, I thought to myself. They call it "It" baby. It seems the name of the new fragrance from Calvin Klein . The infant will have to receive psychological treatment as soon as possible to articulate two words together.

To my surprise, was not the only case in the hospital, so I called Darren, my personal wikipedia uses, issues and British idiosyncrasies. "Not that I am criticizing your lives, dear, - I said - but it sends eggs not to put names to newborns."

seems that it is relatively normal in this country, he explained. Some expect to see the face of new outbreaks to see whom they remember and name, some rely on the inspiration of the moment, few others do not care about the issue ... In the end, "of those powders, are these sludges

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Church Phone Greeting Samples

Smith Penalty and expulsion

was announced as the program that would put the English cuisine on the map, "leaving to be the poor cousin of the French and Italian cuisine. " Get them, they are few and cowards. There is no way to appeal to the patriotic instinct to win our little heart.

presenter, a young chef with English-fluent in English, although a bit gaudy for my taste television, through the villages of Spain to visit his people and learning from their culinary customs and then exported to the United Kingdom with a British touch to taste .

Thus, an old woman Almeria taught to cook a paella with rabbit and snails, a Castilian pastor overseeing how he prepared a few crumbs of chorizo \u200b\u200band saffron pickers showed its particular recipe of meatballs in the kitchen home. Looking a bit rich. The first part you can see here and second here (video clips of 10 minutes in English - still have not found the third and final part on Youtube )

Among other things, the program filmed killing pig in a town of Huelva and all the folklore surrounding the event. They had to see the tears that fell to the journalist with the squeals of the pig. The old women of the village stirred the blood of the animal in large tubs to make sausages and stuck his finger and sucked it was to see how species. Journalist color freak and I guess the couple of million viewers that brought the program was taken from them the desire to test a English sausage after seeing the insides of the production process. That which is lost.

images brought me memories of a group of Americans getting the cold cuts through the account statements in a bar in Madrid many years ago. A Yankee insist wondered what he was made black pudding from Burgos who was swallowing greedily. The waiter politely dodged the question a few times but the third did not escape ... Go jump stick close to those who were there for us to splash us vomiting that followed the response.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Spaghetti In De Steamer



At first we were we alone in the waiting room of the maternity wing of hopsital. Then they began to arrive about candy pregnant with their partners and, after an hour, the place was about to explode, in every sense of the term.

appears then a girl that I do not pass the age of sixteen, also pregnant, with obvious signs of pain, followed by her mother and teenage noviete. The boy did not quite know what to do - like the rest of us there congregábamos men, but he showed it more - and their perspectives of those who fled acribillábamos him curiously. The mother looked like a bad host and took the lead, how could it be otherwise.

"Go penalty, child - I thought to myself. Penalty and expulsion. "What goes through the heaters and the rush to say the nicest, or social benefits and the ease of access to shelter the homeless, the more cynical would say.

do not know why I was surprised that the United Kingdom and enjoys the teen pregnancy rate highest in Western Europe (twice that of Spain, of course, but half the U.S. ). I spent five years working in Bracknell (Berkshire), a city notorious for the number of girls who, while holding the cigarette with one hand and talking on the phone with the other, pushing their baby strollers to its hype of seven months. Go angels.

next day, swarmed through the corridors of the hospital killing time when I hear behind me a "Hey, buddy!". Giro and to my surprise, was the shy lad in the waiting room. "You already had the baby?" I asked and without waiting rushes excited about me and says, "Ours has just arrived half an hour ago." It gives me a half hug in an unusual way to show affection and dismisses British saying "Good luck, buddy".

advantage this time of euphoria, a colleague, because as the rush comes to your wife's mother is going to firm.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Quotes On Master Of Ceremony

Small dictators

More than a bib need a mop to hide my parental satisfaction. The creature in the picture is is teaching which are now priorities. Look, just do something (anything better) but the day seems not enough hours.

promise not to give (a lot) the pain in the ass with baby stories, although in the short term, I will not be able to resist telling some of my hospital stay capitulillos giving enough play. 'll Tell them slowly.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Who Does Genital Tattoos

hospital Solidarity

it is very English in spend hours in a hospital dead. More than one will sound familiar with the picture of the insider entered for a few days and the entire cast of family, friends, neighbors and giving pegao relay to not leave the patient alone for a minute, spending a sleepless night uncomfortable seat, "lest you need something." For nothing more often than not, because that are the nurses and other health staff. Say that the use of both time and human effort but the company is unproductive comfort, relationships are narrow and "today for you, tomorrow for me."

This contrasts with the experience of Anglo sick. I tell the case of a British family friend that struck me particularly and clearly illustrates the differences between one society and another, with the confidence that gives a glimpse of a family between twenty million.

Chris is a valued former colleague, English, father of a lovely family and son and daughter of two families very "normal" and typical in the country. His wife gave birth to her second child and the birth went horribly wrong. She ended up in intensive care unit and the baby was taken to a children's hospital two hours away.

will understand that the man spent the worst days of his life. He accompanied his wife on his recovery while his newborn daughter spent several days without a single visit at the other hospital. I attended amazed at his story, once things became a bad shot, and I could not help asking again and again: "And the parents and in-laws (all retired)? And the brothers? And friends of all time? And the neighbors? Where was everybody? ".

Friday, March 28, 2008

Pea Sized Nodule In Throat

I have not been

No, that photo is not me. One is vain, but not quite.

could feel an increase in traffic in the log and just realize that more than a clueless surfer is landing on this page looking for what is not there. Now I'm terrified. Every time the phone rings I think the BBC.


I read the news a couple of times but I'm still confused about the couple who changed sex, who stopped taking the shots and who wears the pants at home.

Anyway, hopefully the next time you see around here and I will rid and changing diapers for the baby. In English, of cors .

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Lady In Red Dress Dancing Under Umbrella Painting

Chronicle Premiership - days 29, 30 and nutters

"That Latin character loses us ..." That

Rodolfo told me my dear, from Glasgow, via text message. I was watching it on TV like me: Javier Mascherano had to be expelled (min. 43) of Manchester United - Liverpool (the Barca R.Madrid-English).

Right. The bad thing about Latin character appeared when least deserved the chance: the cocky attitude (Mascherano), the trembling of legs (Torres, Arbeloa, Fabio Aurelio) or hands (what a day, Queen) and defeatism of the head (Benitez, Benitez , Benitez).

Two days later and Mascherano does not know why he drove , which is worrying because the Argentines are not fools and this hair is or what he is doing. And fuck me to agree with yellowish tabloid The Sun, but its Article is a true reflection of what and many think we all saw.

Finally, the Manchester United wins the title he is leaving Arsenal to escape, while Chelsea is going to stay with the desire for the second consecutive year. Liverpool's best not to keep talking

sky, earning
- Zarate, Argentina in Birmingham, opened his account against Reading but ended on the losing side.


Purgatory Road - Jose Enrique (Newcastle) and Garrido (Manchester City), earning the starting job
- Wilson Palacios, expelled, in the defeat of his team (Blackburn 3 - Wigan 1)

Miran hell
- Ivan Campo, another diva more in the crowded universe of arrogant players, who left cursing the coach when he was substituted.
- The whole Liverpool, led by its Argentine terrier.


From the classification, better not talk. This chronicle of three days in a given sample of my loyalty and distaste for the Navy.

- Position of the Navy in the league of the company (50 teams): 45 sessions (three days before: 41 º)
- Position of the Navy in the league's Daily Telegraph (300,000 computers): 195,000.

Manchester United 3 - Liverpool 0

Friday, March 21, 2008

Actresses With Smelly Feet

31

how I had recently ran the trial of the century and failed to mention the trial of the year just settled this week. Paul McCartney vs Heather Mills announced a divorce history. Newspapers are fuming that an entire nation and cry out against the bad guy. The bad news here. I feel like being contrary to 61 million Britons but my sympathies fall on the most defenseless. Women and children first.

do not have to submit to (Sir) Paul McCartney. Once he was caught with his buddies musicians across a zebra crossing in London and from there to the Olympian gods. Carita de angel day unbearable at night. His wife, bitter vegetarian, died of cancer and poor Paul suffered his widow in the loneliness of fame. The Rich Also Cry.

One day came a beautiful princess in your life. Outspoken activist for charitable organizations, ex-model who spends at least one leg due to a car accident. Gossips say that in his youth had served as escorts. There is no reason to be ashamed, everyone is dead in the closet though his seems to be that fit many.

The lovebirds were married, they lived happily, were happy and spawned a stem. However, the wind changed direction, the relationship turned sour, the Paul changed the locks on her house, the press began to take the dirty clothes, were challenged by the most expensive lawyers and were unable to reach an amicable divorce. Meanwhile, an entire country and its immigrants following the bickering of the case as if it were a Venezuelan telenovela.

The issue comes to court. The Heather said that Paul has a fortune of 800 million pounds (1,200 million euros) and that she wants 120 million p 'out p'lante . I do not know where to buy bread this woman. Also dismissed his lawyers that are costing you an arm and a leg (the leg happened before) and decides to represent himself. The woman walking with a prosthesis of plastic, but can not be denied that no two balls.

Finally, the judge has just given statement, said that Pablito Beatles "only" worth 400 million pounds and the prey of his ex-wife "only" found 24, above one million, million below. Moreover, the judge defined "ridiculous", "inconsistent" and "unreasonable" euphemisms that are translated from English to Castilian popular with "crazy liar." I do not deny that this is not justice in capital letters.

But that's not all. The trial comes jubilant Mills, surround hundred journalists and, instead of drawing a slip of paper from his pocket and read a statement safe as everyone does in these cases, snakes begin to leave that to tocapianos waxing mouth your ex and every living creature. At this time

sure you are calling Sarah Ferguson and Paul Burrell, among others, to enter the U.S. Circuit Conference.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Ontario License Plates 2010

Knowledge does not take place

politely declined the invitation. About thirty souls department had organized a "quiz night " in a nearby pub where the supreme leader, grateful for our selfless dedication, he left the paid account. Bribe, call it elsewhere.

Not that I disliked the plan but it was not a question of getting a distress call from my mate in the midst of the revelry to stop cheering for the mother in the hospital with one drink at a time so prescribed. Common sense would say about. Wimp, who whisper and others.

A quiz is a quiz on general knowledge questions. The concurrence of the pub is divided into groups paid one or two pounds per head, someone reads the questions microphone in hand and each team will complete their Post with replies. When they finish the questions, exchange leaves the pub read the answers and equipment are fixed to each other. Of course, no cheating. Fair play . What a great civiilización. The awards are usually a small amount in cash, a box of wine or similar.

wonder the game shows like "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire ( Who Wants to Be a Millionaire ) or" The Weakest Link "(The Weakest Link ) are very popular in the UK. The quizzes are a quintessential British pastime, and people read it boasts and illustrated it. I said that the Trivial Pursuit, the board game version, is the product intermediate between the pub and what we see on TV.

The questions are like: "Who was the first black mayor of London?" "What was the name of the first Russian submarine killed in World War II?" Or "How many hamburgers can be made with a horse?". Discussions between question and asked quietly run and there is some animosity between the teams. I attest that people take very seriously these contests, more than once a Spaniard confused, tired of his own ignorance, has tried to boycott the contest with funny comments aloud to the angry eyes of those present and veiled threats physical integrity.

I have participated in some of these " quiz nights" because it happened that I was in the pub at the time of its conclusion, rather than explicitly seek their assistance. I remember with pride my introduction to the Olympic competition.

was reading the newspaper at a pub in Edinburgh, after a sleepy day at work, when he approached the pub landlord and asked if quieria join a group to participate in the quiz that night. Why not, I thought. Half an hour later I was regretting this hasty decision.

's strong Scottish accent and I did not understand little knowledge of history and local news were undermining my intellectual interest in the little game. So, as trasncurría the contest, I left the pints of beer and draw that smile so common in those who try to hide that they are not finding out what's going half the mass and look like they are put there by the municipality, as the streetlights.

finally ended question time, and after the counting of the answers, my team had won the first place tied with another team. Would have one more question to settle the tie. What a thrill.

The question echoed through the pub was altavaces: "What English singer was internationally successful football club goalkeeper of Real Madrid?" After initial confusion, my computer eyes rested on me, while my own, drunk, was set at the lights of a slot machine so boring it was that boring.

won the contest and, consequently, the first prize: a box of thirty-six bottles of beer. I remember that I got half a dozen of these in the pockets of his coat and they headed toward me home, lest it be not accurate with road. It looked like a Swiss cow. For the clink of glasses, that is.

Friday, March 14, 2008

How Longdoes It Take Pinguecula To Go Away

Pina colada without alcohol

The good thing attend not one but two courses on "how to be useful before and during childbirth without getting bored in the attempt" is that I learned permoneros the case from two angles: the posh preparations and preparations for the masses. I say posh

preparations because when you pay for twelve hours of flight instruction pregnant, what you get in return are muffins, juice and coffee, a good professional couples Rollet as a company and a midwife-teacher blonde and extolling the virtues comprehensive delivery "active" and the involvement of the male during the entire process.

By contrast, the three free hours of instruction taught in the system British public health borne by the direct descendant plump black maid in the movie "Gone with the Wind was " before the distracted gaze of several workers, a couple of namesakes Iberian and some unemployed migrants, as well their wives, partners and colleagues. The meeting began with a realistic "For what we are going to cheat, eventually it will hurt you" tap water together with useful advice, for example, where free parking in the parking lot of the hospital or what is the coffee shop nearby.

The muffins were good but I hardly remember what it is active labor. However, still recall with vivid detail the recommendations of the Central, including how good is the pineapple for a good delivery and anecdote about the woman who had called the hospital asking if I could peel it because he suspected otherwise, would do harm.

I can not believe what was going to do with the pineapple.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

A Christian Sports Quotes

The twists and turns life

A buddy made a lightning visit to Reading last week. Came to do a job interview for a position in a prestigious multinational scale.

it happens, it was at Reading where he began his international career six years to improve their English and output of a university degree was a passport to frustration and poor working conditions in Spain. Like so many others. With effort and dedication was progressing professionally and ended up leaving the land to migrate to other embracing the opportunities presented themselves to him.

We were walking around the city, chatting about old times, when we went through an office block and my friend recalled with a laugh that the spot had begun his English adventure, responsible for cleaning the first floor. He also said that as he passed the desk duster by flipping through the papers he had over to learn how to write business correspondence in English.

This friend called me to speak this afternoon to tell you that you have been offered the job that was presented. Olé your eggs, Juanma.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Mo Bow Hunting Safety Education Course

know who says ... Feeding the cat

One of the most memorable moments at a party, dinner or the English celebration of the day when the Spaniard - emboldened by the four pints (two liters) of beer that have made him swallow in an hour, the fifth above it the table and the sixth being asked at the bar of the pub - he decides to launch the social arena, free of linguistic ties and dicer around: "I'll tell a joke." Here begins the tragicomedy.

English humor is diametrically opposed to English. His jokes are short, sharp, somewhat semi-skimmed and devoid of loud noise. They call them one-liners (one line) A bad example would be this: "What is a sheep without legs? Answer: a cloud. Or this: "Be good to your children because they will choose your nursing home." While our hero attends English exchange on-liners "thinking: Well crap jokes.

samples are also popular English expressions humor short, spontaneous, poignant, these poker-faced, that irony or sarcasm to describe what happens at a given time. Humor intelligent people (or cowardly by the generosity with which see.) An example of this is what Margaret Thatcher, raising his hand absentmindedly, said one of his political rivals who passed by her side during a gala dinner: "Waiter, a whiskey on the rocks, please." Thus, publicly denigrated his opponent and laughed at the poor choice of dress.

So you can imagine the scene when my countryman anonymous leaps up, manages the care of his drunken cronies English in the pub and starts the joke "English" "saying


" Once upon a time a married couple was deciding what to do with food. Decide eating snails and then the man goes to the market to buy them. "

The audience attends to the story perplexed, unsure if what you are hearing is a personal experience or something that has appeared on the crime pages of newspapers. The joke is interrupted every few minutes because some have not understood the English pronunciation of "snail" or "market." Five minutes later and resolved any misunderstanding.

"The man meets a friend on the road and stop at a bar for a beer, then another, then another ...

" Ten hours later the man returns to his home a cogorza of aupa. Inside, women are moving up the walls, vowing to kill her husband as displayed by the door. "

All this has grand gestures and translation impossible. At that point, some Englishmen be laughing - not the joke itself, but what is the cuentachistes comic - as many will be watching the football game on television in the pub and a few even attend the show free gaping .

"The man released the snails into the front door and rings the bell. When the woman opens the door to her husband is urging the snails: Now, now, it's almost we have come. "

The joke is over and not hear a laugh. It is then that the depressant effects of alcohol begin to take effect on our protagonist, who goes to the bar to ask the seventh while swearing to himself entern hate the queen (theirs, of course).

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Easy Werewolf Spells Eysist



I come from the workshop breastfeeding. In English, something like "breastfeeding workshop." I have read it correctly. I begin to think that the UK is the NBA of pregnancy. I do not understand how it was possible to reproduce the human race without going through the pre-natal courses. It

we have the great good fortune that a global eminence in this of breastfeeding practice in Reading. So, it's like a soccer Ronaldinho but if not the intricacies surrounding the nipple sucking by three kilos of meat with eyes. Praise the Lord.

modesty, I attended the workshop / course / session with the feeling that could be both master and apprentice. Not that I consider a world expert on breastfeeding but one has already taken his first steps . I was tempted to explain how to milk a cow for the first time (in Rebollar de Ebro, where else), but after the limited success of my previous explanations veterinary pre-natal classes This time I decided to exit the forum. Still, here tell a fraction of my farming experience.

I pulled the udders with determination but there is not any liquid left.
- Relax - I hear you say my buddy Raul cowboy in those days ( dairy engineer would call here.)
- I you're saying to me or the cow? - I said frustrated.


Anyway, back to the original story and leave you here that adolescent experience, it seems that lately I can not stop talking about cows.

mine then said "I will accompany the course, no? "I love the way in which the female universe orders camouflaged as questions. Last straw, honey. Partner support is essential during pregnancy, as the reader knows at this point in the log.

On the day of yore, and minutes before routing to the hospital, I realize I have not complied with the duty entrusted to: buy a doll. We had asked that we take a dummy to simulate the practice and I had forgotten my purchase, which was translated into a heated domestic dispute ... to strengthen marital bonds, which would the experts.

Honoring my passport, I found the solution: a stuffed tiger. English Improvisation capitalized. I had bought the animal in the "duty free" in an American airport three years ago. The tiger is slightly larger than a big headed baby and a considerable, thus saving his classification in a separate section of the animal kingdom, could pass for a newborn for the purpose of fucking course.

So there we are, entering the hospital my wife and I very pregnant with the tiger under his arm. I open the classroom door, greeting with a hello to jack the little group gathered there and the face of the global expert on breastfeeding to see the tiger was all one poem. I did not know whether to laugh or mourn.

Half an hour later, amid the "practices", I start to walk around that class, opening and closing drawers.
- I can help? - Ask me understood it very solicitous.
- Seeking scissors.
- do you want a pair of scissors?
- is that the tiger's whiskers tickle me.

Cheese Instead Of Reblochon?

Chronicle Premiership - days 27 and 28

will not go unnoticed by sports perspicacious reader that chronicles the Premiership appear less frequently than expected. And with good reason.

I just named "loser of the month (loser of the month) "among the fifty coaches fans of the company thanks to the tireless efforts of the Navy . My team is fantastic fictional suspect that a gypsy jogging and adds less points than the English representative in the Eurovision Song Contest.

The first trophy of the season (Carling Cup) went to the hands of Juande Ramos. Vini, vidi, vinci (or something). On his way to the Premiership title, Manchester United's tireless Tevez has closed the gap on Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas indolent and placed to a point.

championship Emotions are now reduced to two: which team snatch Square to Liverpool to contest the Champions League who accompanied Fulham and Derby to second devision.

sky, earning

Juande Ramos - came and kissed the holy. First trophy for Tottenham showcases Hospur after nine years of drought. Good job.

Winston Palacios & LA Valencia - Wigan and settled in the warm-blooded guilty of injecting

Fernando Torres - made a hat trick to Middlesbourgh and dedicated it to his boss (Rafa Benitez), who does not seem to have the support of English players (which are two, second)

Fabio Aurelio - opened his personal locker with a good volley alicadios against Bolton Ivan Campo (1-3)


Purgatory Road

Welcome Zárate - another Argentine in these parts, in Birmingham in particular. New local fan favorite for his penchant for bargaining and entertaining football. Birmingham had not seen anything like it since it became a circus of clowns.

Alves - Brazilian striker Middlesbourgh again. But what does that man there! Miran


hell

present writer.


From the standings, better not talk.

- Position of the Navy League of the company (50 teams): 41 th (two days before: 36 º)
- Position of the Navy League of the Daily Telegraph (300,000 computers): 178,000.

Friday, February 29, 2008

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A Faint

- The Partner support is crucial during labor - I had another pregnant excited at halftime of the pre-natal classes.
- Ya -
monosyllabic answer - You are going to be there?
- Same
- You will not be for you to pass out as soon as the topic gets ugly?
- Maybe.

"It would be the first time, I think as I come to mind certain memories. Worked in those days as "expert" in a hospital Irish private and that day I was asked to "take notes" in theater # 2. I was there, notebook in hand among nurses, the surgeon and the anesthesiologist, putting enterao face when I had no fucking idea what was happening. The beauty of being a "consultant."

artoscropia The operation was an old woman. There was a TV monitor which the surgeon guided his gear and there was a drop of blood or skin centimeters. What science advances, reflected while still watching the movie.

"Is it hot in here", I said to myself. That feeling was to accrue until I realized that the only heated there was me and my body did not respond to the commands of my brain. I was going to faint. "Fuck me, I managed to say, that this will take to the streets."

I just had time to open the door to the operating room and fell face down unconscious on a stretcher in the hallway. I do not know how long I stood there, maybe ten minutes, until a nurse passing by came to my aid. Then I understood the source of "shame bullfighter."

I sat up, smoothed my dress and started to stammer: "That leave me alone, I walk again." He said this and other unintelligible nonsense in my mother tongue, as had then in the corridors of this hospital. I just missing the cape, sword and relieving tourniquet goring. "You come here, lamb, which I'll give you a coffee to see if it recovers the original Mediterranean color, tell me this nurse had withered face, like a single mother with children in the military.

Half an hour later I went back into surgery, with wounded pride, to the smiles of all present. Yes, then seeing the movie from the door, what would bother there so close. For get me where I called.

- And have you decided if you'll be you who cut the umbilical cord to the baby? - Continued asking the heavy.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

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One gets older, patience is waning with age and good spirit begins to shine by their absence. Put another way, and leaving the literary niceties, there are things one would touch the balls at this stage of life.

exaggerating few days ago about the fact that any ignorant of the English language could come to minister with the only knowledge of sorry-please-thank-you . Today I will give a further twist to the British social etiquette with an example that nearly cost the life of my mobile phone.

I asked a question to an English friend and I received the following message in reply two days later: "Sorry for the late reply. I do not know. Do a search on the net. How is your wife? " (Apologies for the delay in my response. I do not know. Look for it on the internet. How's your wife?)

Wonderful. This should be reproduced in schoolbooks. It is the ABC's British interaction. Disengage the message below.

1. The first is to apologize. For whatever reason, but apologize. The answer came two days later and no longer good for anything? One apology and peace here and then glory. Ignore message had been severe, as we are foreigners when we rub minimally, we apologize and we pass by without even say "no problem " or "that's okay ." We are barbarians.

2. There are brief and respond positively. In Spain we would begin to count the case of a neighbor in the same situation that ended in tragedy. If the answer is no need to suggest something positive. Although the suggestion is stupid, as in the example. My countrymen would also do the latter but to pretend that we are not fools. Here instead is to show that brings a bit, however small (and useless) whatever. Just like the Iberian diplomacy.

3. Finally, we should worry about the person and their circumstances , but you care a damn. This is sacred.


These are the rules of the game. Whoever wants to play and know what to do, and he who does not want to accept, to Gibraltar.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Denise Milani Erection

Leverage

I read about a topic that has recently played separate characters in several careers: the English and the respect (or lack of).

swallowed a delicious interview the lovable Alfredo Landa, who complained that there were deficiencies in respect.

Question: Does choice behavior that thing through the English?
Answer: Today, in this country there is not a drop of respect, mecagüen milk. And it is complicated. I do not know, maybe you have to create for our kids a school where the course is taught respect.

Master Perez-Reverte reproduced in its Sunday page the story told to him by a friend while attending the anniversary celebration of a battle that the French

"went first to the mast gabacha tricolor, to the strains of the Marseillaise, and a French couple and fifty I was at the next table, unfolded map of the city and seeing the newly restored cathedral, stood to hear the strains of their national anthem. Then rang the Royal March as he hoisted the English flag, and the French couple went up, respectful, while the English people still sitting there present, to his own, talking as if nothing. "And what did you do?" Embarrassed, I slowly got up and did the same to me ... There were another three or four, tops. And looking with much envy the French couple, I thought, we have won again. "

footballer Ivan Campo , heavyweight Bolton Wanderers English, answered his experiences in Spain and England in an interview in World


"I think Spain has lost its principles. I refer to education, respect. I see a lot of English football already not like before. The people can berate you on the street, you lack a professional and personal level. It's something I can not stand. "

An actor, a scholar and an athlete agree on the diagnosis. Where there is smoke there is fire ...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

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Respect Only for "British" black Missing in Spain

For those living in the UK alone, that's what we pay watch TV, this is going to sound like free advertising but novel deserves. Too bad you can not see from the "foreigner."

The website BBC has launched a section where you can see his latest television programs. No need to download any software, only to have a decent internet connection to view the program immediately by clicking here .

Among many quality programs, there are two documentaries that have been issued recently that are worth highlighting. One is about the art in Spain ("The Art of Spain", three chapters), interesting, entertaining and told with great enthusiasm. Another is a series of documentaries about animals cold-blooded (Life in Cold Blood, by David Attenborough ), also very entertaining.

Hopefully, the international version for the rest of the world will soon be available worldwide. We keep you posted.

Friday, February 15, 2008

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Chronicle

plasma screens in the cafeteria of the office are showing pictures of the racist abuse a group of English to English athlete color (black, for details) in Barcelona.

- What happened? Asks a distracted air diner. It's what the textbooks call it a trick question.
- Ni idea. I'm not very aware of the news these days, I answer. It is what experts call "buying time" and make sure you have the vest as insurance and check that the gun is removed.

been a week and the topic is still in the newspapers and broadcasters to continue remembering. It is not the first time it is the same with a British athlete in Spain. The British interior minister has said he will file a formal complaint. Here was the same in the late seventies when the first black football players looked out at the national championship.

Meanwhile, many lost a great chance to be crowned champions in the Gaza Catalan. Not only responsible for the circuit but also the double world champion Fernando "Barbie whiners" Alonso. It could have been closer to the fans and ask them quiet, or stop by the garage of his former employers, or to stand up and tell his team and the organizers that he did not leave the track if those idiots were not evicted. By so doing

had won the third world title and the respect of many. But it was asking too much, that he "had given no sailing at the funeral" and anyway, the fault lies with his former partner, who asked for it. And it's black.

I said, we need thirty years of living to it ceases to be permissible. Thirty years a generation.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

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Premiership - days 25 and 26 tests

chronic Premiership Two for the price of one. Who said football when basketball, hockey and tennis are much more entertaining. Damn the time that it occurred to me that the sign up for Fantasy Football .

Arsenal's Manuel Almunia has laid open a gap of five points with Manchester United's Tevez (willed but with the wet powder), the injured Liverpool Torres moves like a crab, backward (to 19 points behind leader) while Chelsea Brazilians Alex and Belletti tries not to lose the top rope with a base bore the local parish.

The Navy has gone from being the laughingstock of the company to be cruelly ignored. There is no law. As an Pantoja would say, speak good or bad, but they speak.

sky, earning

- Cesc Fabregas, not as bright as the start of the season but equally influential in the leadership team of the Premiership. It's a shame not to transfer his wonderful run of form the national team.

- Juande Ramos, who has straightened the rate Tottenham based on exercise, diet and tactical acumen continental Mediterranean. What makes olive oil and put a face with a nasty temper.


Purgatory Road
A small group of hard workers who fight the American copper equipillos middling Premiership. Namely: Emanuel Villa (Argentina - Derby), the triplet Wilson Palacios and Maynor Figueroa (Honduras) and Antonio Valencia (Ecuador) from Wigan, Felipe Caicedo (Ecuador, Manchester City) and Ulises de la Cruz (Ecuador, Reading). Miran

hell

The rest of the Navy , led by Rafael Benitez, whose team is unbearable to watch and that scores a goal or a rainbow.

- Position of the Navy League of the company (50 teams): 36 th (two days before: 34 º)
- Position of the Navy League of the Daily Telegraph (300,000 equipment): 164,000.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

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midwife - Part 2

I had to be even a minor when a summer Sunday, dressed in my finery, I approached my friend Oscar's house with the intention to begin the round of morning vermouth. I stumble over his mother, who grabs me by the arm imploring. "Juliana is in labor, come help me I'm alone." We were few and would bear the grandmother (the cow, in this case).

Needless to say, many cows spend their own behalf in Rebollar de Ebro, rebellious village of several dozen people and in those times, a hundred dairy cattle. A neighbor had a cow named Caroline and when the first grandchild was born this Carolina also called it. If cows Tenino not name, were treated for "brown" or "blond" because of his fur. That also explained the familiarity with which some of my friends cowboys chasing female cattle during our nightly raids in the clubs of nearby towns (Reinosa or Aguilar de Campo) and so it took more than a slap instead of a coz.

Anyway, I'm lost. Les said that there was a cow Juliana, lying in his stall with considerable pain, cow hooves poking her daughter into this world, feces everywhere and I, immaculate dress sailor petrified. The mother of my friend applied alligator soap at the edges of the dilated vagina of the cow, tied a rope to the calf's hooves, I gave the other end and told me when I say strip.

"And so daylight saw a creature, I ended up telling my audience. "They have these flight hours?"